I always think I’ll remember more from the books I read or the classes I take. Inevitably, most of what I read or hear slips away. However, there is one exception to this rule—a concept I heard in a parenting class that I’ve never forgotten: "good enough parenting."
At first, the term felt a bit unsettling. After all, who wants to aim for just "good enough" when raising kids? But the more I explored the idea, the more it became like a cup of cold water to my dry and weary parenting soul. It offered me a lifeline from the burden and pressure of perfection. And it didn’t just transform my perspective on parenting—it reshaped how I think about neighboring.
Simply "Good Enough"
The term "good enough parenting" was coined in the 1950s by British pediatrician and psychologist Donald Winnicott. He described it as a process where parents start off hyper-responsive to their baby’s needs but gradually relax into a rhythm that allows space for their child to grow. The goal wasn’t to condone bare-minimum parenting or neglect but to celebrate the everyday, consistent care that shapes a child’s development—even in the face of inevitable mistakes.
Winnicott’s research emphasized something profound: perfection in parenting isn’t the goal. Instead, one of the most important factors in building a healthy attachment between parents and children is the resolution process—repairing relationships after conflict or failure. It’s not about getting it right 100% of the time. In fact, hitting the bullseye a third of the time, missing entirely another third, and then repairing the relationship in the remaining third is often more than enough to foster trust and connection.
When I heard this, it was freeing. I didn’t have to be perfect. I could embrace my imperfections and lean into repair when things went sideways. And what’s even more powerful? This same philosophy can be applied to how we love and connect with our neighbors.
Embracing "Good Enough Neighboring"
The concept of "good enough parenting" offers a compelling framework for neighboring. Just as we don’t have to be perfect parents, we don’t have to be perfect neighbors. Here’s how this philosophy can help us step into the often-daunting task of building relationships with those around us.
1. You Don’t Have to Be the Perfect Neighbor
One of the biggest reasons we hesitate to engage with our neighbors is the fear of not having enough—enough time, energy, or resources to do it "right." But good enough neighboring reminds us that we don’t need to host elaborate dinner parties or have our homes in perfect order to make an impact. Sometimes, it’s as simple as sharing frozen pizza in the driveway or lingering at the mailbox for an extra moment to chat.
The key is to work within your limits. Maybe you don’t have the bandwidth to organize a block party, but you can take a few cookies to a new neighbor or offer a warm smile. These small gestures matter. They open the door for connection without requiring you to sacrifice your mental or emotional well-being.
2. Repair Is More Powerful Than Perfection
Just as in parenting, conflict is inevitable in neighboring. Misunderstandings happen. Parking spots get taken. Fences spark disputes. But here’s the hope: when things go wrong, the way we respond can create even deeper trust than if everything had gone smoothly from the start.
In one of the neighboring classes we recently taught, a woman shared how the principles of peacemaking inspired her to reconcile with a neighbor after a long-standing conflict. She acknowledged her part in the tension and took the initiative to repair the relationship. The result? Not only was the conflict resolved, but it also opened the door for a renewed connection. Good enough neighboring doesn’t mean avoiding conflict—it means leaning into humility and repair when it arises.
3. Prioritize Presence Over Performance
In a world that glorifies productivity and perfection, being present often feels countercultural. But in both parenting and neighboring, presence trumps performance every time. Your neighbors don’t need a Pinterest-perfect host; they need someone who is available and authentic.
This might look like taking intentional walks around your neighborhood without headphones, leaving space to greet others. It might mean offering a listening ear when you sense someone is struggling. It could even be as simple as praying for your neighbors and letting that prayer shape how you see and interact with them. Presence doesn’t require you to have all the answers—it simply requires you to show up.
4. Model Vulnerability
In parenting, one of the hardest yet most impactful things we can do is model vulnerability. Admitting when we’ve made mistakes and inviting our children into that process of humility and growth teaches them profound lessons about grace. The same is true in our neighborhoods.
Being vulnerable doesn’t mean airing every struggle or adopting a self-deprecating humor that deflects from real connection. It means being honest about your imperfections and allowing your neighbors to see how God meets you in them. When we share our struggles—whether it’s anxiety, parenting challenges, or work stress—we create a space for connection. It helps our neighbors see that they’re not alone and that there’s hope, even in the messiness of life.
The Gospel Behind "Good Enough"
At its core, good enough neighboring is driven by the gospel. It starts with embracing God’s grace for ourselves—knowing that we are loved and accepted not because of our perfection but because of Christ’s work on our behalf. This grace frees us to show up authentically, to admit our faults, and to repair relationships without fear of rejection.
Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." When we embrace our weaknesses and share how God’s power meets us there, we point others to the source of true hope and strength. Our neighbors don’t need to see us as flawless; they need to see the gospel at work in our lives—two steps forward, one step back, relying on God every step of the way.
Taking the Next Step
So how do we begin to live out good enough neighboring? Start small. Take a moment to reflect on your relationships with those around you. Is there a neighbor you’ve been meaning to connect with but haven’t because you’re waiting for the "perfect" time? Reach out now, even if all you can offer is a simple hello or an invitation for coffee.
Or maybe there’s a relationship that needs repair. Ask God for the humility and courage to take that step. It might be as straightforward as apologizing for a misunderstanding or extending kindness after a disagreement.
Good enough neighboring isn’t about having it all together. It’s about showing up, being present, and trusting that God will use your efforts—flawed and imperfect as they may be—to create something beautiful. Because at the end of the day, it’s not our perfection that transforms lives; it’s God’s grace working through us, one imperfect interaction at a time.
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